Here's what I know:

The boundaries you think you have for loving a finite number of people can be expanded to fit many, many people... especially when one of those people is a little baby who looks at you as if to say you are his everything.

I remember the moment three and a half years ago when I fell in love with Ava. We were in my hospital room and it was the first time that Ava and I were alone after a day surrounded by family and friends who had come to visit. I wasn't expecting the moment, I wasn't waiting for bells to chime or anything, but in that quiet moment as I sat in my hospital bed, I held her and looked at her I was hit with it. Complete and pure love. They say your heart now lives outside of your body and it's true.

So now I had expectations for this moment with bebe deux. But sure enough, and I suppose not so miraculously, kind of like the way you can still be hungry for dessert after being completely full from your wonderful dinner, I have fallen in complete and total love with my son, Ryan. And the joy in knowing how happy he makes Ken, makes me feel beyond blessed. It's everything I've ever wanted.

Excitement with a dash of wistfulness

While I am thrilled to add to our family, I am also mourning the disruption of the rhythm of having just one child. It's a combination of 'we have finally found a routine that works' coupled with, 'she's such a great little girl - what the heck are we doing shaking this up?' Since our due date for bebe deux is actually tomorrow, I now fall asleep each night thinking, 'this could be the last night of the family as we know it'. I'm not complaining, just taking note of the dramatic changes about to ensue.

I think Ava is going to be an amazing big sister. Ever since I gave the baby a voice (yes, much like a ventriloquist's dummy... go ahead, make fun...) she's been responding to it positively. Now when she realizes that this baby will not actually speak for a long time, she might be upset with me, but that's a bridge we'll cross when the time comes.

laps on the lake

Our friend Kristen lives on Lake Truesdale in South Salem which is quite a special place to live. Her backyard slopes down to a gorgeous dock where they have the sweetest setup for lake-lovers! Ava was lucky enough to go kayaking last week with Kristen, who, in Ava's words, is "...my friend AND my babysitter."

It's been a great start to the summer for us. From small-town carnivals to pool-time (I must admit that I have a small problem with the town pool... I don't like to share my pool) it's been fantastic so far. Ava is such a happy little girl.

laying it on

I called Ava from work last night to say a quick goodnight, not anticipating what I was in for. The biggest guilt trip she's laid on me to date. I first talked to Joan who told me about the great day they had together and how they had just gotten in from outside so she was having a late dinner. They played all day long. She passed the phone to drama queen.
Me: "Hi Babe!! How are you?"
Ava: (in very sad voice) "I miss you SO much, Mama!"
Me: "I miss you, too, honey."
Ava: (in pitifully sad voice) "I will dream about you tonight, Mama!"
Me: "Aw, honey... I love you so much!"
Ava: (in mournfully sad voice) "I will hug you in my dreams, Mama!"
Me: "When I come home, I'll give you so many kisses and hugs."
Ava: "But you're not home now. I'm so sad." (She passes phone back to Joan)

Skip, (my technical director): "How old is she now?"
Me: "Three and a half."
Skip: "You're in for trouble ahead."

I sure am.

pictures from Spain

Moorish tiles at the Alcazar in Seville


more from the Alcazar


"How close can I get without getting soaked?" at the Plaza de Espana


Ava hard at work at her desk in Madrid


teaching the finer points of juggling: "Up, up... catch, catch!" (only had two balls to juggle with)


our final night's sunset at the Hacienda


taking Cinderella to the ball


loving her flamenco dress


Aunt Amy & Uncle Andy leaving the fair in Jerez-de-la-Frontera


the Macks at dinner


Aunt Amy and Ava (perfecting the art of the half-smile)


the whole kit and caboodle


matador numero uno


Ava playing with the filthy water in the public fountain, and her mama doing nothing about it except capturing the moment


grumpy faced family (it was the only way we could subsequently get Ava to smile)


Ava undoubtedly singing something to her fans in Ronda


walking the edge of our pool at the Hacienda


Ava, Eli and Bruno


more from the fair in Jerez


Mimi, Ava and me


GranTed reading "Why Mommy Is A Democrat" to Ava and Eli


Aunt Jen, Eli and Ken lambin' it up (inside joke for those there)

Viva Espana

Awesome, awesome trip. It only could have been more awesome if I didn't have to cradle my burgeoning belly while climbing uphill in Ronda. I think I did a good job of handling all of the activity that everyone else was enjoying, but I was exhausted!
We came to Spain to celebrate my mother-in-law's 70th birthday and it was spectacular. We spent the first seven days at Hacienda de San Rafael about 40 minutes south of Seville (www.haciendadesanrafael.com). We had our own private pool and dining area and ate most of our meals under the cover of blooming purple wisteria. Ava and Eli fell asleep on the two daybeds that were adjacent to the table and we would carry them to our rooms each night. They barely had to adjust when we came home because we often didn't eat before 10:30. From our hacienda we would do day trips to places like Ronda, Cadiz, Jerez-de-la-Frontera and Seville.
We went to a fair in Jerez that was amazing! Beautiful horses, lights, flamenco dresses... truly special. Happens only once a year.
I saw my first (and last) bullfight and chalked up the roaring crowd to just simply a major cultural difference. There was beauty in it on the one hand in the sense that the matadors moved like dancers, yes, but mostly it was cruel and barbaric because the bull never had a chance. I left and wandered around the outskirts of Seville with Amy after the first kill.
Moved up to Seville for a night so that we could experience that city before taking the train up to Madrid, which I adored. Spent a rainy day in a museum and when the sun came out we bus toured all over the city. Each neighborhood more beautiful than the next. I loved Madrid. Then again, I loved Milan. And I love New York. There is a lot of similarity between the three cities in terms of their crowded nature, and I felt very much at home there. I loved their parks and playgrounds and loved watching Ava have so much fun.
It's so easy to just stay at home and let life move at it's pace, but for me, it is so very important to change your scenery every now and then. I am so appreciative.