"She's invited..."

Let me start by saying that I will never, ever judge anyone who has help and doesn't work. Let me clarify: when I say 'doesn't work' I simply mean 'doesn't get PAID for their work', as is the situation of all stay-at-home-moms. Not that I judged before... but having the experience of caring for two now gives me true insight into the plight.

It's wonderful. Don't get me wrong. We're blessed. I'm thrilled. But I'm also just plain exhausted.

I've been talking to Ava about G-d. Trying to explain the intangible essence. I explain that G-d isn't a person, but rather a spirit. Then I start using pronouns and say 'he/she'. This confuses things, of course.
Me: "G-d is everywhere, honey. He or she is always with us.
Ava: "G-d's a she, even though I know she's a spirit and is neither a boy or a girl" (she really said this -- after several conversations with me about G-d)
Me: "Really? OK. I'm glad that you know that."
Ava: "I love G-d. G-d's invited to my birthday party."

How do I address the invitation?

Groundhog Day

That's what my life is at the moment.

Ryan, Joan and I have moved into the city for the duration of the Olympics and we've gotten into a nice little routine. I get home from work anywhere between 2 and 3am, I feed the baby, we go to sleep, wake up again around 7, feed him again, and then eventually they go out for a walk and I inevitably think, "Oh it would be so nice to join them in Central Park, but I'm just going to rest my head for a few minutes..." and before I know it, it's 3:15pm and it's time for me to wake up and go back to work. So while there's not necessarily time for much fun, we're in a good rhythm. Joan has been really wonderful with him and I am so relieved. Ava, Ken and Cate are back at home and enjoying the remainder of the summer.

I'm rolling both the Primetime and Late Night shows to air and I've got a great AD on the other end of the world which makes the work side of things fantastic. But these are some really long days, for instance, tonight we're on the air from 8pm until 1 am, then have a half-hour break before coming back on the air with Late Night for an hour. So while it's not brain surgery the hours are grueling. It is really nice to be back in the city, though.

If you're watching, hope you're enjoying the Games!

Here's what I know:

The boundaries you think you have for loving a finite number of people can be expanded to fit many, many people... especially when one of those people is a little baby who looks at you as if to say you are his everything.

I remember the moment three and a half years ago when I fell in love with Ava. We were in my hospital room and it was the first time that Ava and I were alone after a day surrounded by family and friends who had come to visit. I wasn't expecting the moment, I wasn't waiting for bells to chime or anything, but in that quiet moment as I sat in my hospital bed, I held her and looked at her I was hit with it. Complete and pure love. They say your heart now lives outside of your body and it's true.

So now I had expectations for this moment with bebe deux. But sure enough, and I suppose not so miraculously, kind of like the way you can still be hungry for dessert after being completely full from your wonderful dinner, I have fallen in complete and total love with my son, Ryan. And the joy in knowing how happy he makes Ken, makes me feel beyond blessed. It's everything I've ever wanted.

Excitement with a dash of wistfulness

While I am thrilled to add to our family, I am also mourning the disruption of the rhythm of having just one child. It's a combination of 'we have finally found a routine that works' coupled with, 'she's such a great little girl - what the heck are we doing shaking this up?' Since our due date for bebe deux is actually tomorrow, I now fall asleep each night thinking, 'this could be the last night of the family as we know it'. I'm not complaining, just taking note of the dramatic changes about to ensue.

I think Ava is going to be an amazing big sister. Ever since I gave the baby a voice (yes, much like a ventriloquist's dummy... go ahead, make fun...) she's been responding to it positively. Now when she realizes that this baby will not actually speak for a long time, she might be upset with me, but that's a bridge we'll cross when the time comes.

laps on the lake

Our friend Kristen lives on Lake Truesdale in South Salem which is quite a special place to live. Her backyard slopes down to a gorgeous dock where they have the sweetest setup for lake-lovers! Ava was lucky enough to go kayaking last week with Kristen, who, in Ava's words, is "...my friend AND my babysitter."

It's been a great start to the summer for us. From small-town carnivals to pool-time (I must admit that I have a small problem with the town pool... I don't like to share my pool) it's been fantastic so far. Ava is such a happy little girl.

laying it on

I called Ava from work last night to say a quick goodnight, not anticipating what I was in for. The biggest guilt trip she's laid on me to date. I first talked to Joan who told me about the great day they had together and how they had just gotten in from outside so she was having a late dinner. They played all day long. She passed the phone to drama queen.
Me: "Hi Babe!! How are you?"
Ava: (in very sad voice) "I miss you SO much, Mama!"
Me: "I miss you, too, honey."
Ava: (in pitifully sad voice) "I will dream about you tonight, Mama!"
Me: "Aw, honey... I love you so much!"
Ava: (in mournfully sad voice) "I will hug you in my dreams, Mama!"
Me: "When I come home, I'll give you so many kisses and hugs."
Ava: "But you're not home now. I'm so sad." (She passes phone back to Joan)

Skip, (my technical director): "How old is she now?"
Me: "Three and a half."
Skip: "You're in for trouble ahead."

I sure am.